becrazedandconfused

Friday Confession

2008-10-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

I rather like the smell of my own farts.

Today Was Just ugh So Far

2008-10-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

It's cold enough to snow already. Those poor kids in their Halloween costumes next week - we always had to make sure we could fit a snowsuit or winter coat under our costume, despite the fact the puffiness made things bulge in weird places. This is what you get on the east coast, in the western corner of a state whose fall is just as cold as winter, just without the freezing precipitation. Well, at least until November. Basically I'm bitching about the fact it's so cold outside I don't even want to go and smoke a cigarette. Yeah. Maybe I'm just lazy.

I freaked out on my husband this morning because he said the pants I was wearing gave me a camel toe. Really. Do they? I'm not sure. Did I wear them? Of course. I think I'm going to toss them when I get home. Camel toe. The phrase makes me shiver more than "genital herpes." Really.

Today I feel more flu-like than anything. My brain is just starting to get a little hazy. I'm so over it already. Where's my jammies? My comfy slippers and an afghan? I need to check out today.

I'm Back, But Not Better Than Ever

2008-10-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Though I disappeared for an entire summer, I am still here and still proverbially kicking. I wanted to return much earlier than today, but life never goes quite the way one would like, so I'll count my blessings and kiss my elbow.

I am writing this in the haze of a serious Paxil withdrawal. Up until a few days ago, I had no idea that this even existed, but after reading a comment on QuitPaxil.org comparing said withdrawal to the dead baby hallucination from Trainspotting and experiencing my own sort of loonier off drugs than on craziness, I'm a believer.

It's funny though because the whole reason Dr. S. decided to take me off of Paxil is that it seemed to be doing me more harm than good. Don't get me wrong - Paxil is great for depression. But when mixed with the disposition of mostly manic bipolar, it does nothing but make me irritable and mean and unable to civily end a fight, much to Mr. Jones' frustration.

After Dr. S. explained the way in which I needed to wean myself from the drug (cut my current 20 mg pills in half and take 10 mg for 21 days, then cut in half again and take 5 mgs for 21 days, then nothing), he asked me twice if I knew how to get a hold of him. I didn't understand why the seeming urgency - I mean, I've switched meds a bunch of times before with little or no trouble.

As with most things in my life, I guess I didn't realize what I was in for.

***
I just went outside to have a cigarette, and I'm paranoid as hell. The outfit I thought was cute this morning is making me feel like a hooker. I know that everyone isn't looking at me and thinking horrible things, but it certainly feels like it.
***

Along with being strangely emotional for no good reason, I started off my withdrawal with what I can only describe as eye spins. Imagine something like this, but coming out of your eyes and projecting on to absolutely everything you see. Fun, right?

I'll update more tomorrow with how I'm feeling, but I haven't made it through week one yet, so wish me luck.

I'm Coming Back

2008-09-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

And soon at that.

Friday Confession

2008-06-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

Despite my self-esteem issues and insecurities (or perhaps because of them), if I'm around any kind of reflective surface, you can bet I'm checking myself out.

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

2008-06-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy week, and of course, that's no excuse for not posting. Oh well.

It's bike rally weekend here in Anytown, and as you've almost certainly have guessed, Husband and I are quite excited. There are tons of vendors selling everything from jewelry to flip flops to soda pop. Last year, we both bought leather jackets at the rally, and this year Husband wants chaps. I don't think I'll be partaking in that much leather, especially since I'm all vegged out and everything, but there are plenty of things that pique my biker curiosity. There's a big parade on Saturday morning and fun competitions, like a burn out pit and greased pig wrestling.

I think my favorite thing to do at events like this, besides the mechanical bull and wet t-shirt contests of course, is to just people watch. Over 200,000 people roar into Anytown for this event (that's like ten times our population!) and bikers are always a notoriously interesting crowd.

After spending the weekend at the rally, Husband and I will have a week off of work. We're not going anywhere, but I plan on getting a lot of sewing done, spending time with family and then on the 5th we're having a party for the Fourth of July. I'm pumped about this shindig since I've wanted to have a party at the house since we bought it - over two years ago - but Husband isn't a party person. Too bad! We've got a fire pit and Polish horseshoes, and I'm pulling my archaic four foot tall Infinit speakers out, along with my amplifier and disc changer. Dance Party! I wonder where I'd go about getting a disco ball in Anytown?

So of course, I'll be MIA after tomorrow - and it couldn't have come sooner. hope you and yours are happy and safe and having fun this summer. I certainly am.

Have You Ever ...

2008-06-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

... been caught drunk and stoned on a motorcyle in the pouring rain at night? Not the best of times my friends. Not the best of times.

Friday Confession

2008-06-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

The thought of getting pregnant right now scares the shit out of me.

Sleepiness and Google

2008-06-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired I'm almost falling asleep at my desk ...

So here's a meme I've been saving.

1: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
Maybelline needs to become a mother.

2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Maybelline looks like Mozart.

3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google:
Maybelline does not sell their liquid foundation anymore.

4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
Maybelline hates pale skinned girls.

5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google:
Maybelline goes upscale.

6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
Maybelline loves the camera.

7: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
Maybelline eats me alive.

8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
Maybelline hasa twist that is a testimonial treat.

9: Type in"[your name] works" in Google:
Maybelline works great.

10: Type in"[your name] lives" in Google search:
Maybelline lives up to its name.

11: Type in "[your name] died" in Google search:
Maybelline died on me.

12: Type in "[your name] will" in Google search:
Maybelline will create.

More Sickness, More Pills

2008-06-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Under the orders of my new family physician, I had some bloodwork done last week. Today, I called the office to schedule another appointment and was told that I have a thyroid problem and higher than normal cholesterol. Yes, the 25-year-old vegetarian who works out almost daily has a cholesterol problem.

Even though these problems can be easily solved with medication and diet, it's totally bumming me out that I'll need to add to the 2,000 miligrams of meds I already swallow daily. I feel like a pharmacist's wet dream, open my mouth and start pouring the capsules in.

During his lunchtime phone call, Husband tried to make me see some light in the situation. The thyroid problem actually has a bunch of side effects that I suffer from, including brittle fingernails, fatigue and sleepiness, shaky hands, memory loss, change in my period, irritability and eyes that are sensitive to light in adition to the fact that I can't lose the weight that's been collecting around my abdomen. So I guess, in theory, I'll be skinnier and happier after taking some synthroid or some other such pill, and that should lower the cholesterol as well. I have heard horror stories though. The graphic designer here at work said synthroid pushed her aunt from pre-osteoporosis into full-fledged brittle bones and Husband's dad had to start taking Paxil after he was prescribed synthroid. I've also heard that once you start taking it, it's not something one stops easily, meaning it's another lifer pill for me.

I just feel so broke down and screwed up. A mere five years ago the only time I took a pill was when I had a headache. Now they're so much a part of my life I wouldn't know what to do without them.

becrazedandconfused

Friday Confession

Today Was Just *ugh* So Far

I'm Back, But Not Better Than Ever

I'm Coming Back

Friday Confession

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

Have You Ever ...

Friday Confession

Sleepiness and Google

More Sickness, More Pills

Today Was Just ugh So Far